The Rainbow Refugee Podcast - Episode 1: Lost and (Not)Found, Part 3

9 September 2022

The final part of ‘Lost and (Not)Found’ follows the journey of Shahriyar* who fled the Taliban persecution in Afghanistan to Iran, back to Afghanistnan, on to Pakistan and eventually to Germany where he continues to defend and advocate for the rights of LGTBIQ Afghans everywhere.

This episode is hosted by Zohra Mousavi, our Afghanistan Special Programme coordinator.

This episode is in Dari with English transcripts available below. See the announcement page for more information on the podcast and episode releases.

After this episode, we will be taking a break for a few weeks. In the meantime, we invite you to revisit our three-part pilot episode and the special In(sight) episode.

Podcast Disclaimer: The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed are the podcast guest’s own and do not represent the views, thoughts, and opinions of ILGA Asia.

Listen below:

Content Warning: Homophobia, transphobia, sexism and misogyny, stalking or harassment, violence, torture, murder, depression, abuse, and death.

English transcription

The transcription below only covers a portion of the episode, and more will be added next week. The original Dari recording has precedence over the English translations.

Host: Zohra Mousavi (Host)
Guest: Shahriyar Mandegar (SM)

SM:
So we travelled to Pakistan. Even though the hotel management had told us where we could get our meals at the hotel, we were so distorted mentally that we couldn’t comprehend or remember such details. So we slept with an empty stomach and hadn’t eaten for a day. I remember telling you about it and asking why the hotel offered us no meal.

Host: 
I was also confused about how there was no food at the hotel. 

SM:
Yeah, so we didn’t have dinner and breakfast the next day. In the morning, I went to the hotel staff to ask what the problem was. 

Host: 
So do you mean that when you first got to the hotel, nobody told you that you must go to the hotel bistro for food and that they wouldn’t deliver it to your rooms?

SM:
They did. But we couldn’t remember. I wasn’t able to walk properly because my body was still numb from the flogging. They had definitely told us about food, but we couldn’t remember anything. 

We were in Pakistan for a few weeks, but we didn’t have any money. However, food and accommodation were paid for. 

Host:
So you didn’t have any pocket money?

SM:
Yeah. After two weeks, I arrived in Germany, and the interesting thing was that on my first night in the camp, I also went to bed with an empty stomach. I mean, we weren’t treated as we should have. 

Host:
At the refugee camp (in Germany)?

SM:
Yeah. 

Host:
How were you mistreated? 

SM:
(At the airport) They just asked us to pick up our backpacks, and go to a car that would take us to a camp. We didn’t know where they were taking us. 

Host:
Nobody told you.

SM:
Yeah, they didn’t. When we went to the camp, we were told which room to go to, like prisoners who were kept in a queue and given towels, etc. We were treated like that. 

Host:
So there were no interpreters?

SM:
There were no interpreters (for us) that night. I saw some helping others but none who would help us. So in the morning, they just told us where to get some breakfast, and like prisoners, we were waiting (in a line) until we were given food. 

There were some fences in the camp, and on the other side of this fence, there were Ukrainian refugees. You should have seen how differently they were treated.

Host:
What was the difference?

SM:
The difference was that they were Ukrainian. They were European. 

Host:
Do you think that they were treated better because of that? That they were paid more attention to?

SM:
Yeah. Not only were they paid more attention, but they were better accommodated, with better security. Everything was better. I wondered why that group was more welcomed, so I asked someone who they were. That’s how I knew that (the group across the fence) were Ukrainians. 

I thought to myself that the value of an Afghan life is considered so low in comparison to a Ukrainian person. I asked myself what the difference was between Afghanistan and Germany. In Afghanistan, there is also discrimination based on ethnicity. 

I thought that even though in Europe there are talks of democracy and human rights, when it comes to action, it’s worse than in Afghanistan. Looking at the Ukrainians (refugees), I kept on thinking about what our difference was. They were given transportation services. They were paid attention to. Their rooms were regularly cleaned. Someone would visit them and ask if they had any problems, and they were provided with financial assistance. 

They would only talk to the Afghan refugees to tell them to stand in a line to get food. Of course, such double standards exist in every country. There are human rights violations in every country but what I saw in Germany stood out to me. I also heard that the Afghan refugees are being evicted from their accommodations so that Ukrainian refugees are housed instead. 

We stayed at the camp for a week and were given a paper that informed us which city each of us (at the camp) was assigned to live in. It turned out that where I was assigned was a remote and conservative town. When I got there (another temporary accommodation), I was not given any food again, and that’s how I spent the night. The accommodation manager didn’t ask if I had food or money. They registered me, took my fingerprints, and that was the end of it. I eventually borrowed 200 euros from the manager. 

People in that town looked at me strangely when I used to roam around. I felt that I looked different to them, a person that they hadn’t seen before.

Host:
I feel that you were hoping once you leave Afghanistan, life would become easier, right? 

SM:
Yeah.

Host:
But when you got to Europe, you realised that’s not the case. 

SM:
I used to consider Europe as paradise. I thought that when I went there, I would be free. I hadn’t learned about the bad things about this place. I had learned that people had fought and triumphed (over discrimination and prejudice), but when I got here, I realised that there is much work to be done here, too. I also realised the path I have started to walk on is a difficult one. 

Host:

It must be difficult, Shahriyar, because you are a member of the LGBTIQ community and a refugee. A person of colour refugee, not a white refugee. 

SM:
Yeah, a person of colour refugee. I suffered from depression. My friend (who was with me) was also depressed. He even jumped off a place and sprained his leg. He couldn’t walk for a week. I asked why he did it, to which he replied that he wasn’t feeling well. That was our overall condition. 

I informed you about the situation, and you referred me to a lawyer who agreed to help me and tried to move me to a better city. He was a queer rights activist too. I wasn’t feeling alone anymore like I did in Afghanistan. 

I started my activism again. I created a Facebook account again, and went on Twitter and Instagram. I also consulted my lawyer, who said that he’d support me if I stood up to defend queer Afghans. LSVD, the biggest LGBTIQ advocacy organisation in Germany, also promised to support my cause. After this, I started to reach out and connect with the queer Afghans in Afghanistan. Their number grew day by day, which made me surprised because I didn’t know that there could be so many who had learned about their sexual orientation. 

Host:
How many people have reached out to you so far?

SM:
Some people say that they know 1,000 LGBTIQ people. I think that’s not accurate. There are more queer people. Some have been evacuated, but the majority are in Afghanistan.